Teacher Network This article is more than 8 years oldInterviewWhen teachers marry teachers: 'We try not to talk shop, but know the stress'
This article is more than 8 years oldSarah Marsh and Zofia NiemtusFrom staffroom love rivals to dodging questions from students – three couples share their stories of romance in education
Have you heard that Mr Smith is dating Mrs Knight? What’s going on with Miss Jones and the new PE teacher? Teacher romances have kept school rumour mills busy since the dawn of time. A mere glimpse across the playground is a sure sign of unrequited love and leaving the building together confirms a passionate affair.
But a recent US study suggests the gossip could have some grounding, as romance on the school grounds is more common than you might imagine. In fact, educators are the fourth most likely professionals to marry each other. Here, lovebirds from our community share their stories.
Mike and Anwen O’Hara are both primary teachers. They have been together for 10 years, and married for four and a half.
How did you meet?
Mike: It was during teacher training. One of my mates knew that Anwen wasn’t good with computers so asked if I’d help her with an IT project. After that I invited her and some friends to my student house for drinks and it went from there.
Anwen: We went to his house and he was in his dressing gown, probably a bit hungover. My roommate got together with his roommate and that didn’t work out, but we did.
Do you find it hard not to talk about teaching?
Mike: We try not to talk shop a few nights in the week – Sunday, for example, is Downton Abbey night and Wednesday is Bake Off. We both know the stresses and strains of the job and what the other person is going through, but it can be annoying if we talk loads about school.
Anwen: We teach different age groups but we do ask each other for advice, not so much with regard to the classroom, but about issues with parents or professional development. It’s something we talk about generally, we don’t even realise we’re doing it.
Could you work together?
Mike: We’ve been on supply in the same school and found that we just annoyed each other. We’re probably slightly different people in a work environment. Once when we were in the same school, Anwen overheard a classroom assistant telling a friend that she thought I was attractive. I like to remind her of this from time to time.
Anwen: Being in the same school meant that it was difficult not to constantly be talking about work. We found it was all a bit too close for comfort.
Lorna Deakin is a vice-principal of teaching and learning at a secondary school. Her husband Jonathan Deakin is assistant director of learning and standards at an academy. They’ve been together for four years, and got married this summer.
How did you meet?
Lorna: He’s a mathematician and I’m a linguist. He used to teach in my classroom, so he would come and kick me out. Sometimes we’d have a chat, or he’d try to get me interested in some hideous maths thing and I’d be having none of it.
Jonathan: Lorna was still married when I first started teaching, so she wasn’t someone who was available, I just had a lot of respect for her. She’s always been a fun, vibrant person and a good colleague, but it wasn’t until a lot later that anything developed. And I never got her involved in any maths, I know that nobody would be interested in that.
Do you find it hard not to talk about teaching?
Lorna: We used to commute together, so we had a rule that if you needed to sound off, you had until we reached the bridge on the motorway. No more school talk then, or you’d get an elbow in the ribs.
Jonathan: It’s good to be able to offload to another teacher, but there’s a point where you need to move on. For us, it was the Bridge of No Return.
Would you work together again?
Lorna: I wouldn’t actively seek it – I’m currently looking for headship and I wouldn’t get it and then employ my husband. But if something came up and we were in that position again, it wouldn’t bother me. We’ve got a healthy way of separating things.
Jonathan: I would certainly work for Lorna. She’ll be a fantastic head. In our old school, she lead a focus group that I was in, so I effectively did work for her. And our schools now are part of the same chain and I have been to training that she has been leading. She’s fantastic – phenomenal at her job.
Kelly* and Tamsin* have been together for four years. They both work as teachers in a secondary school, and are engaged.
What were your first impressions?
Kelly: I needed advice on a lesson and everyone said she was lovely and helpful. But, just my luck, I asked her on a day when she had a million things to do. She sharply told me that she was too busy and I should work it out myself. After that I was a little wary of getting on her nerves. I discovered later that she was funny, creative and nearly always made time to support colleagues.
Tamsin: Apparently I snubbed Kelly one lunchtime when she came to ask for support, but my first memory is seeing her on the corridor with goggles on her head and going weak at the knees.
Do colleagues know about your relationship?
Kelly: It was a bit of a team effort in getting us together. Everyone was pretty amused by the fact that the design and technology teacher and the English teacher were getting together as our subjects are so different.
Tamsin: Staff have always been supportive of our relationship and I count myself lucky that we met doing something that we both love. Staff are excited about our wedding and regularly quiz me on the details.
Did the kids find out?
Kelly: I first realised the kids knew when a brazen year 8 asked outright. In the nanosecond it took me to come up with a witty answer, the naughtiest kid in the year put his hand on my arm and said. “It’s alright if you are – we’re OK with it”. The kids have been totally amazing about it. Although I never told them formally, I never denied anything.
Tamsin: I’m pretty certain the kids know but are too wary to ask. I am out with staff but not with students, it was a professional decision to keep my private life private. Staff are respectful and understand that it’s not a lack of pride in my relationship, just a way to separate “me” from the teacher persona.
*Names have been changed for privacy.
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